Friday, June 1, 2012

Turning Eleven

Clayton is turning eleven in six days..  How did we get here so fast.  It seems like we were just starting to try to get pregnant, and now we are done.  Turning eleven means a lot to him.  He said he was just ten and now he will be in his ten's!  Well turning eleven means a lot to me too.
Turning eleven means time is going by fast and I need to make sure I'm spending every moment I can watching him, laughing with him, "instructing" him, and plain old loving on him through all of those things and so much more.
The above means turning eleven is saying to the calendar, slow down. 
Turning eleven means he's almost big enough to sit up front in the car.  But it doesn't mean he has control of the radio.
Turning eleven also means he's ALMOST a preteen.  ALMOST!
Turning eleven means he's officially the oldest kids among most of our friends.  He's in a new category all together, but I love that he doesn't care and loves to play with all of them.
Turning eleven means a lot more too, and a lot to both of us.  But there is one thing it does not mean.  It does not mean he is not my baby.  He will always be my 5 pound 8 ounce little monkey.  He's just heavier and I can actually understand what he's saying.
Slow down calendar.  Slow down just a little bit.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Mercies!

Wow its been awhile! I think of things to blog about all of the time but I've been lazy. Yep, no other word to say about wanting to do something but never doing it except-Lazy! But I am choosing not to be lazy this morning because I am surrounded by such blessings. I've thinking about all we've been through, me, Richard, Clayton. We are so blessed to be loved by so many people. Their love is just amazing and I know the source of that love. And I know that ultimately its only the love that Jesus gives that has given me any peace and endurance through hard times. His love leaves me speechless. His unfailing love leaves me speechless. Abuse, terrible choices I've made, MS, infertility, autism, miscarriages, my husband going to a job he hates every day with willingness and humbleness, .................................................................. I am speechless Lord. Mercies!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Mother's Day at Clayton's School!

Here's the essay Clayton wrote at school today along with a "fill-in" sheet about me! Both tears and laughter were present.
"My mom is helpful when she helps me with my homework. She wakes me up in the morning at 6:30. She picks me up after school. I love her so so much. She is the best mom I could ever have. I love her. She helps me with my math. She loves me. She helps me with my homework. She reads me bedtime stories. She kisses me good night. She drives me to school in the mornings.. She makes me breakfast. She makes my lunch. She helps me clean my room. She lets me take a ten minute break during my homework. She is nice to me. Love, Clayton"
Fill-in the blanks:
My my mom is 33 years old. She weighs 10 pounds and is 10 feet tall. Her favorite food is tacos and for fun she likes to play. Her shoe size is 8. My mom is funniest when she dances. When mom gets mad she sometimes gets mad. She sleeps 10 hours at night and looks like flowers when she gets up. Her favorite place to shop is at Wal-Mart (smart boy). It takes mom 8 hours to put on her make-up. My mom is pretty as a butterfly and a sweet as a flower. I love my mom and wouldn't trade her for a dime.
Top 10 reasons why I love my mom:
10. I love my mom because she reads me: bedtime stories
9. I love my mom because she helps me: with my homework
8. I love my mom when she makes me laugh by: telling me jokes.
7. I love my mom because she taught me how to: read
6. I love to hear my mom sing: anything
5. I love my mom because she finds time to: play
4. I know my mom cares because she: helps me
3. I know my mom is smart because she: knows math.
2. I love my mom because she works so hard at: school.
1. I love my mom because she's the best mom ever!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Deuteronomy????

My friend, for some crazy reason, started reading Deuteronomy a couple of months ago. She shared it with our worship band and it got me curious. I called it crazy because I've never gotten past the first chapter. I have no good excuse but just to say that honestly the Old Testament always scared me, excluding the Psalms and some of Proverbs of course : )!
I never really liked history in school and I thought the old Testament was just a bunch of facts and endless lists of names. I knew all of the "cool" stories of course. Moses and the burning bush, parting of the Red Sea, Daniel in the lions den, David and Goliath, all of those stories we learned as kids, but I was never really taught the power of the words in the Old Testament. Yes its history but now I've found that the statement that "history does not repeat itself" is quite untrue, thanks to my friend who has now gotten me excited about Deuteronomy! Yes, I love it! Yes, I cringe at some verses because of the truth, but mercy sakes shouldn't we shudder with fear and love of our God's power? Isn't that what He asks of us?
OK, so what has me all excited about reading this ancient account of history. Its exciting because I believe I'm living it. These first chapters are all about how Moses lead them out of Egypt and now they are just wondering around looking for the Promised Land. Don't we all have a Promise Land on earth we are waiting for? Dreams, desires that God has placed in our hearts and minds? Some have one and some have a bunch! That would be me!!!!! I know I've reached some of my Promised Lands, like marriage, the birth of a child the doctors told us would never be! Now I'm looking into other plots of Promised Land. You may say that's selfish but goodness isn't God bigger than anything we can imagine? Why wouldn't there be more than one Promised Land for us? He wants best for us in everything. Now sometimes He allows "bad" things to happen because we have consequences to our sin and other times its just because we live in a place that's not the final and most glorious Promised Land, and sometimes its because someone around us sins.
I think what I am learning from this ancient book is that yes, there is a Promised Land, or lands, but its not always that easy to get into it. Sometimes we walk up to a sea and its parted right then and there before our eyes. Love that Grace! Then other times we have to wonder around a bit and go through some experiences before we get into The Land. God asked Moses to make sure that the people knew that this was going to be a challenge and that they needed to follow God's every word and plan in order to reach it. They needed to trust in His provision of food and shelter. They needed to trust in the map to get there. They needed to wait patiently and worship Him through all of this in the mean time. They were going to have hardship, brought by His desire to have them see their need for ONLY Him as their God, and also brought by the ignoring His direction.
I think about that with our Clayton. Yes he was born with autism but God created him in His image. (I didn't make that promise by the way, God told it to me in Genesis : ) ). So Clayton is only supposed to be the best God has created him to be. That's the Promised Land for Clayton. Healing, recovery, and restoration from the side effects of autism. But boy is the journey to the Promised Land difficult at times. I've become an organic, gluten free, milk free, process free, crazy person and it is hard! And sometimes I have to "torture" him in order to teach him to cope with things.
But even with all of the difficulties, challenges, and tears, it doesn't change the Promised Land. Its still the same. I might change the time it takes to get there because i don't follow the map, and sins of the world might change it too, but its still there and its still exactly what its named, a promise of perfect beauty, rest, protection, love, endless healing, greater grace than I have known, and its permanent.
Oh the joy of stepping out of the comfort zone of my favorite passages! Now I have new ones. New promises of The Land ahead for myself, my church, and my family and friends. Thank You Lord for history that does repeat itself, just help me not to add to the whole sin part! ha ha. you know I can't be serious for too long!
So what is your Promised Land right now? Go to the may in Deuteronomy and find out how to get there! And let's plan on having coffee at the foot of our King's table when we get the ultimate Promised Land!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Melting Away

Wow its been awhile, AGAIN!
Just had something trigger my blogging mind today. SNOW! It's a four-letter word for me I must admit. I've never really liked the cold weather but especially hated the snow. No reason except for the fact that it disrupts my schedule. Suddenly everything stops and I'm left to see what comes next based on something that is completely out of my control. SURELY I'm not a control freak! That's another blog for another day!
Just had a thought about the snow and what happens when it melts away. First of all, it comes to us sometimes with a lot of warning, and then there's nothing. And sometimes we get no warning, and there's a ton of it. And then sometimes it comes with lots of warning, and there's lots of it! I still look at the forecast in disgust and whine and cry about the way it has messed up my schedule. Then once it all melts away I'm left with the never ending mud outside my house and have to use the "redneck bridge" just to get through it and on with what life has for me to do.
But still, I am looking out the window at the most beautiful color of white as it falls down and lays on the ground before we dirty it up. And I must admit that because I might be a control freak, sometimes it takes something out of my control to make me stop and enjoy just being here. And for a little while the beautiful white covers up all of the mess and I'm given a break from the schedule. And when it all melts away i do find it a little sad how something so beautiful can become so yucky once it start to fade away. It gets yucky just because the earth is not so clean these days. It gets yucky because I drive over it. It gets yucky because someone else drives over it. It gets yucky because something really yucky happens when my dogs go out in it (and the goats, and cows, and birds, all animals who don't have the knowledge we have in order to keep it from getting yucky, although even with our knowledge we still get the snow yucky. At least the animals have an excuse of ignorance : ) )
BUT STILL, as it melts and as the mud comes and the redneck bridge moves a little under my cold feet, I still get across it and I still get to enjoy life after a break from it. The bridge may have holes, the bridge may be shaky, I may even have to hold on to someone to get across and they may even have to help me clean the mud off my shoes, or I may help them, but I still get through it with the tools God has provided for me when I choose to use them.
So no I'm still not a fan of snow, but I do see that if I choose to allow it to make me stop and look at things differently for a moment, then maybe the next time it snows it won't be so devastating to my schedule! I'll just take a deep breath, enjoy the break, and get energized to fight the mud once its melts away!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving

On Thanksgiving I always think of the hymn which is actually a Psalms "For the beauty of the earth, for the glory of the skies. For the love which from our birth, over and around us lies. Lord of all to Thee we raise, this our hymn of grateful praise." In the movie Little Women they sing that song at the wedding! So then I think of that too! I am so ADD about stuff like that.

I've not been blogging a lot at all over these past months. Its really a little silly when I think about why I haven't. Mainly, its because most of what's been happening in my mind and life really isn't very funny and I don't like negative or serious stuff. I was hoping to keep that away from my blogging world. But it has come with some challenges. But before I can give thanks for the countless blessings in my life there is part of that Psalms that I want to focus. "For the love which from our birth, over and around us lies."

It's that Love from my very birth, and in God's Word it says in the womb too, the Love that OVER and AROUND me lies, that I can admit to the yuck and praise Him too without being one of those "negative about everything" people. Sometimes I look at people's facebook updates and wonder if they ever see any good in their life. (More like, will they choose to see any good). Then I think about my cousin who is dying of Pancreatic cancer. Let me clarify that. Her physical body is but her heart isn't. Her heart is getting ready to physically be with my Lord, now her Lord! It is so sad to know that we won't see her again for awhile. So incredibly sad that she's had to endure so much in just a short time. Those are questions that I don't think will be answered here. All I can say to them is that Adam and Eve sinned and this world is not what God wanted it to be. But I know in the sadness there is such a huge joy to know that she will be healed. Fully, wholly, and completely, without ever having to endure another earthly battle! That even though we didn't receive the healing that we had planned, a greater one will occur. With our healing, we have to stay here and endure more of this crazy world. With her healing, she gets to live in peace literally forever. For that, I am so thankful.

Now while I'm not ready to leave the world and experience that healing to be completely honest, I am so glad to know that it is there. The Love which has always been there for me, is still over and around me. These past three months have been a mix of emotions. God sent an anonymous giver to heal our son, and myself, of our household allergies. Neither of us experienced ANY indoor allergy problems this fall! (Or outdoor actually!) Healing came in the form of an envelope on my keyboard. Healing from allergies and the opportunity to have my dad at my house for 3 weeks!!

Then I sit and listen to Clayton read chapter books and say things like, "Mom, I am vacuuming the church because Jesus told me too," or I watch him play basketball, or I smell Richard's mud boots and praise God that his dreams are coming true and after 15+ years he sees hope that he won't have to go to a job he hates every day. (Which he NEVER complains about. He says "Its just what I have to do.") And how in spite of 2 pay cuts it still works out every month with some sacrifices that really end up not seeming like sacrifices. I also got to see my sister-cousins because of a "non-anonymous to me" giver :) and re-connected with a sister-cousin. It was a bucket list trip--just kidding sister-cousins!!!! :)
All of these wonderful blessings, and so much more, is the proof of the Love over and around me. Its because of God's great love through these things that even though its been challenging for me physically for the first time in many years, I can cry about it and smile at the same time.

I'm not ignoring the challenge. I've heard all kinds of lies in my head during the emotionally and physically "weak" time. All of which I've heard before. "You are too weak to get anything done. Why did you have to drop that 10th thing today! You are not who you were, and you are who you were :)". All of those things that I haven't heard in years seem to try their best to creep into my head and now I just fight to keep them out of my heart by the strength of the Love of the Holy Spirit over and around me and in me! I recognize them, I grieve over those times in my life, sometimes I ask for prayer from others, and sometimes I just sit with my Best Friend and say get me through it. And each time, that Love reminds me of the things above and so many other blessings!

So here is what I am thankful for, "for the Love, which from my birth, over and around me lies."
Happy Thanksgiving! I love you all deeply and I pray so many blessings from that Love to you too!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Unexpected Part 2

I got two coupons in the mail from CVS a month ago saying if I transferred or brought in a new prescription I would get a $25 gift card for each one. So I welcomed myself to CVS and came out with $50 worth of gift cards! Thinking I would save them for Christmas or other necessities I have been holding tightly to them.
Then Operation Christmas Child came up on the screen of our church and that was all it took for me to know that I needed to spend those cards on items for one boy and one girl. Of course it wasn't as easy as it sounds. All of you know I am not a girly girl but CVS had this big red bag that I thought I would buy with my gift card, wrap it up, and put "To Leslie From Santa" on it for Christmas. AND since things have been so tight this year I was really more concerned about saving them for things like toothpaste, shampoo, soap, all of those things that we need just in case Richard took a third pay cut. But I decided to use them for the kids and had a blast doing it!!!! It was so much fun getting items they both would need and then fun stuff like a My Little Pony and other little toys! (And mercy sakes, if God can give me free flooring through the entire house than surely he can handle those few little items we MIGHT need! Forgive me for forgetting so quickly Lord.)
Here's the unexpected part. When I came out of the store I was reading my receipt and at the bottom was ANOTHER coupon for a $25 gift card for a new or transferred prescription. Since I hadn't needed to fill my others which were at Wal-Greens I happily moved one of them today! $4 prescription for $25 gift card. Now I'm going to use it to buy some stuff for an outreach we are doing at our church. God is so cool! And who says that satan is the only one who can be doing things behind our backs without us seeing them! HA HA!