Sometimes I Have To Scream Out!

Let me forewarn you. This may not start out pretty.
Every once in awhile I think about Clayton having autism and I just get angry!  It seems to be happening more often and the catalysis for the angry mom can be different at times, but no doubt it is always deep and always real and always ends in tears.
This time it began with a lot of "whys".  Why does he have to struggle so differently?  Why can't he go to school like everyone else and learn?  Why can't he have the same experience he did today every day?  (He had an awesome day at school.  They read Christmas stories and drank hot chocolate :)).  Back to the angry mom!
While this time of the "angry mom" began with "whys'", it quickly turned into "whats".  Some of them I had only visited very briefly with but never allowed myself to really get to know these "whats".  What if he isn't able to go to this amazing school next year?  What if he won't ever live on his own?  What if he won't get married?  What if he won't have a regular job? What will happen to him when, not if, something happens to us?
Since I'm being honest, I'll say it.  I hate these questions.  I hate them because I don't have the answers, or not the answers I think I should have.
So I texted my BFF to pray for me and these "whys" and "whats".  And like the great BFF she is, in the middle of her own struggle today, she prayed for me and encouraged me to look up an old song called Praise the Lord.  I found that song, and a new song with the same name. I could highlight the words from each that speak so preciously to my heart but it is pretty much all of them!  So I'll post them below and encourage you to read them.
Before I post them though, let me take another minute to tell you what God said to me through my friends prayer and the songs.  "In every moment, Jesus Christ is Lord," (Oops I quoted a line from the song!)  God also said to me that His promises over Clayton's life WILL NOT CHANGE!  He has great things for Clayton!  Sometimes we have to scream out to God the "whys" and "whats" before we can be reminded of the great promises and see the great to come.  I've been fighting these all day.  Actually, the "whats" I've been avoiding fighting for more than today.
My precious Savior didn't avoid the "whys".  "Why Father?  Why have You forsaken me?"  Jesus had been beaten, starved, and endured nails being driven through his hands and feet,  I'm sure he didn't ask in a calm sweet voice.  He was in pain!  And how painful was that moment for Jesus to get to the point of crying out to His Father, God Almighty?  After all, He was Jesus!  But not long after that moment He said something else.  He said, "It is finished."  He knew even through the pain that something great was going to happen!  He claimed the hardest part was over.  His Father would redeem Him!
I know my Father, Clayton's Father, will redeem him too.  I know because He says He has "plans to prosper him, not harm him."  I know because Clayton is God's child and he will "inherit everything the Son inherits".
OK, maybe I will quote another song lyric, "Praise the Lord, for the chains that seem to bind you drop powerless behind you when you praise Him."  Drop powerless behind me chains!  I praise You Lord for the miracle of Clayton!  I praise You for the fact that He does not change!  I praise You that I can walk today!  I praise You that Clayton had a great morning of fun at school!  I praise You Lord for sending me a hot cowboy to be my husband!  I praise You Lord that said hot cowboy husband is faithful every day in providing for us financially and spiritually!  I praise you Lord that said hot cowboy husband also loves me like crazy, in spite of my crazy!  And now I will praise You Lord for cheeseburger macaroni with my family :).

Prsie the Lord by Russ Taff (yes you read that correctly)

When you're up against a struggle, that shatters all your dreams
And your hopes have been cruelly crushed by Satan's manifested schemes
And you feel the urge within you to submit to earthly fear
Don't let the faith you're standing in seem to disappear
Praise the Lord, He will work through those who praise Him
Praise the Lord, for our God inhabits praise
Praise the Lord, for the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you, that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise Him
Now, Satan is a liar and he wants to make us think
That we are paupers, when he knows himself we're children of the King
So lift up the mighty shield of faith for the battle must be won
We know that Jesus Christ has risen and the work's already done
Praise the Lord, He will work through those who praise Him
Praise the Lord, for our God inhabits praise
Praise the Lord, for the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you, that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise Him
Praise the Lord, He will work through those who praise Him
Praise the Lord, for our God abides in our praise
Praise the Lord, for the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you, that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise Him
When you praise Him
When you praise Him
When you praise
When you praise, you praise the Lord
Praise the Lord

"Praise The Lord"  The City Harmonic

Praise the Lord when it comes out easy
Praise the Lord on top of the world
Praise the Lord ‘cause in every moment Jesus Christ is Lord
Even in the middle of the joys of life
There is always grace enough today to
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
Won’t you praise the Lord?
Praise the Lord with the world on your shoulders
Praise the Lord when it seems too hard
Praise the Lord ‘cause in every moment Jesus Christ is Lord
Even in the middle of the long, dark night
There is always grace enough today to
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
Won’t you praise the Lord?
Praise the Lord if you can sing it at the top of your lungs
Praise the Lord like every moment is a song to be sung
Praise the Lord: though it might take blood, sweat and tears in your eyes
There is grace for today so praise the Lord
There is grace for today so praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
Praise the Lord
Won’t you praise the Lord?
There is grace for today so praise the Lord